Letter Seventy-Seven
With reverence, I bow to the Venerable Master:
I bow to the Buddha, I bow to the Dharma, and I bow to the Saṅgha.
Why are the people here so lacking in blessings? We have not even been able to bring about the Venerable Master’s coming to Hebi for a stay. Last year, the matter of Jingju Temple did not succeed because the conditions were not yet ripe. They went to Wenzhou, and the Venerable Master also went to Wenzhou for the summer.
If the conditions ripen, might the Venerable Master not also come to Hebi for the summer? Now the conditions at Jingju Temple have ripened. I hear that the village leaders are quite eager to invite someone to preside over it and are willing to allocate land for the temple to cultivate. Yet it remains an empty temple, with only sparse incense offerings.
[With you supporting Henan, it will surely shine brilliantly in the future. How can you say that you lack blessings? Recently, I wrote to a certain Dharma Master, asking him to come to Hebi and join you in spreading heart esotericism. He will very likely come this time. His correspondence address is: (omitted).] The Venerable Master has already decided to spend the summer at Jing Mountain, and this disciple has likewise decided to go there to pay respects to the Venerable Master.
Fortunately, the Venerable Master has graciously permitted this: after going to Jing Mountain, you will write and give me the detailed address. This has set my mind at ease. [There has now been a temporary change of plan: I shall not go to Jing Mountain, but to Qingdao instead. A film director has invited me.] Although this disciple is not one of those who “hear much yet believe little,” I am certainly not one of the “superior persons” for whom “one decisive realization settles everything.”
“Though principle may be awakened to suddenly, deluded habits are eliminated in accord with awakening; in phenomena, however, they are gradually removed, and their causes are exhausted step by step.” The word “gradually” requires very careful attention.
If liberation can be attained in this life, then even if one is “still traveling on foot at eighty,” it is a fortunate thing, and the word “gradually” is precious. But if liberation cannot be attained in this life and one must again wander through birth and death, revolving in the six realms, when will one encounter the Venerable Master again? Then the word “gradually” is frightening! [This word “gradually” is not absolute. If principle is truly awakened to suddenly, all deluded habits are likewise eliminated in accord with awakening.
The problem is that the awakening to principle is not genuine awakening, but only an approximate awakening—an awakening at the level of principle. Hence it is weak and powerless: when circumstances arise, one cannot accord with them, and one must instead have the causes exhausted step by step.] “Not seeing a single dharma is the Tathāgata; this is called Avalokiteśvara. When one understands, karmic obstacles are originally empty; when one does not understand, one must repay old karmic debts.”
[These two statements concern different approaches: one is the gate of sudden awakening, sudden practice, and sudden realization; the other is a gradual approach. Do not confuse them.] This disciple reflects: if there are karmic obstacles that can be eliminated and grave illnesses that can be removed, then everything remains dualistic—how can this be ultimate? When circumstances arise, I know that “suffering loss is a blessing” and can “yield to others first.” [This has already fallen into deluded thought.
] Yet, deep within, an indescribable feeling continually arises, and I am not peaceful and at ease. [This is delusion added upon delusion.] What does the “accordance” of which the Venerable Master speaks mean? [It means according with principle.] Does being able to “yield to others first” count as accordance? Does being “not peaceful and at ease” count as “nonaccordance”? [As long as there is a deluded thought, it is nonaccordance.
Even having peaceful ease is also a deluded thought.] What this disciple formerly called “contemplative awareness” actually meant observing and seeing through this feeling. Is this feeling a thought? I feel that it does not seem to be a thought. What is a feeling that is not a thought? I beseech the Venerable Master to compassionately instruct me. [If this feeling is not a thought, what is it? Having an act of “observing” is also a deluded thought.
Yet there is no need to suppress these thoughts. Simply let them come without following them or attending to them; let them come and go without leaving a trace. This is no-thought. There is no need to rigidly remain there without moving.] I have read the Venerable Master’s reply to Miaowu and already know about the empowerment on the eighth day of the fourth lunar month, but I did not know that it would be at nine o’clock in the morning. [Do not miss nine o’clock in the morning.
] However, Miaowu is determined to go to Shanghai, and I cannot dissuade him. [I have already written back, telling him not to come to Shanghai. Now he cannot come in any case, because I shall leave for Qingdao on the fifteenth of this month. If he comes to Shanghai on the eighth day of the fourth lunar month, I shall no longer be at home.] His family opposes his learning Buddhism, and he lacks the strength to overcome this obstacle and resolutely leave home.
[I also know well that his parents oppose this. This is only natural and nothing surprising. Moreover, leaving home and practicing cultivation is not easy nowadays; it is better for him to practice quietly as a layperson.] Now he intends to go to Shanghai, but this disciple does not even dare to subsidize his travel expenses, fearing that his parents will make a great disturbance over it and implicate the Venerable Master. [Indeed. It is better to forgo a good deed than to cause trouble!]
Your disciple, Zhiming, bows in reverence.
May 5, 1993
[Youth Yongshou] So-called thoughts sometimes manifest as ideas and sometimes as emotions. At times they take form; at other times they are like gossamer threads.
[LVM] Whatever form it takes, I simply do not run after it or allow it to sway me! “Master!” “Yes.” “Stay awake! In the days to come, do not let others deceive you!” But how many people have you seen who truly cannot be deceived?
[Youth Yongshou] I too lingered for a long time over this “indescribable feeling.” If I watched my thoughts, I felt somewhat oppressed; if I ignored them, I feared losing my way and falling into confusion.
[LVM] Neither watch them nor be afraid. You need only remain constantly alert: do not run after them and do not allow them to sway you. What is there to fear? Fear itself is an obstruction! “Because there is no obstruction, there is no fear; one is far removed from inverted, delusive thoughts and ultimately reaches nirvāṇa.” If you cannot yet do this, constantly remind yourself to learn to do it. Being willing to learn to do it is the principal practice of heart esotericism—contemplative awareness.
